The National Day holiday is approaching again, and time has flown by. It's been about four or five months since my last trip to Vietnam, and it feels like half a year has passed in the blink of an eye.

A lot has happened these past few months. Now, I’m living alone, and yes, my father has also passed away. I’m not even inclined to speculate about why; it’s not important to me. I feel no emotional turmoil, as if life’s just passing through quickly and indifferently.

Just a few days after I returned from Vietnam, my father passed away. It was quite a coincidence that around the same time, I had tickets to see G.E.M.'s concert, something I had dreamed of and bought tickets for a month in advance. I ended up going to the concert under these circumstances, and during the second half, it poured rain heavily, as if the heavens were crying. Yet, I felt no sadness inside.

After the concert, I drifted through each day in a daze. I signed up for a gym to run, and out of boredom, I kept refreshing information on various cars. Coincidentally, a large used car dealership opened right next to my home. Yes, that's right! I bought another car, this time a Cadillac CT-5, and it's the highest trim available. I originally wanted a CT-6, but it was too big and out of my budget, so I settled for this one. However, this is truly my first car in the real sense, as all the paperwork is in my name.

After buying the car, I started driving around and exploring. I downloaded the app Soul, joined offline meetups, and even met a girl I liked, but unfortunately, she wasn’t interested in me. After being rejected, I felt really down, so I chose to climb a mountain to relieve my emotions and ended up earning a medal. I also rode my bike along the Panda Greenway for a full 100 kilometers. It felt like nothing could obstruct me as I focused solely on the road ahead, allowing me to follow my heart.

Even after my confession failed, I didn’t distance myself from their social circle. I continued attending offline gatherings, but after attending many of them without meeting someone I liked, I lost the desire to keep going.

Perhaps having been alone for too long, I didn't want to spend Valentine’s Day by myself. So, I reached out via WeChat to an old neighbor I hadn’t been in touch with for a while and invited her to a movie. She’s the type I like, but we hadn’t really gotten to know each other despite adding each other on WeChat. The process of arranging the outing was quite complicated, and it turned out she already liked someone else. Nevertheless, she still went to the movie with me. Regardless of the right or wrong, this Valentine’s Day had its own story and a touch of memorable flavor.

During my birthday, I took some annual leave, marking the first time in many years that I had a proper break. The leave application process went smoothly, so I decided to go hiking. I originally planned to complete the full 80 kilometers of the Qinling Mountains, but we underestimated the challenge. In the end, we hiked for three days, reaching the highest point before descending because my feet were too sore to continue. Climbing the mountains was more demanding than just having legs; it required physical strength, proper gear, and good weather. However, standing on the mountaintop and taking in the view was truly rewarding. The scenery was beautiful, and I encountered wild mushrooms and various medicinal plants. Overall, it was a unique and memorable birthday.

On my birthday itself, I had already descended and spent the day in Xi’an. Honestly, it wasn’t very joyful. I took a series of not-so-great photos in traditional Han clothing and spent the evening singing at a KTV. That’s how I spent my rather lonely 35th birthday…

With the Mid-Autumn Festival and National Day approaching, I’m unsure where to go or what to do. I feel like now that I’m 35, I’m getting older. Over the past couple of months, I’ve noticed that I struggle to connect with younger people at offline gatherings. While I understand this, I don’t want to abandon my own principles just to fit in with others.

I’m currently enjoying my life on my own, feeling happy and free. The thought of getting married just for the sake of starting a family—dealing with the wedding, dowries, maintaining relationships with in-laws, and future children and their education—feels daunting. If it weren’t for someone I truly cared about, I’d be very apprehensive about marriage. But if it were someone I loved, I’d be willing to give my all.

In the end, maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part. I’ll just go with the flow and see where life takes me~~~