This year, I went from having a family to becoming an orphan, from being a lover to becoming a stranger, and from having a partner to fighting alone. It feels like everything shifted from two to one. The more I try to fit into society's standards and appear "normal," the more elusive that goal becomes. It seems as if I was destined to walk this path alone, pushing myself forward. Just like Huang in the world of Perfection: solitary and eternal ~

This year continued two good traditions from last year. The first is work: every day, it's the usual 9-to-5, with endless tickets to tackle. There hasn't been any laziness, but also no particularly impressive results. The second is still sticking to daily English check-ins, something I’ve been doing for three years without realizing. I’m not sure how useful it is, but it hasn’t done any harm. Honestly, I don’t feel a huge improvement, but it has become a habit, so I’ll keep it up.

This year seems to have been filled with a lot of heartbreak. For instance, my father passed away, and I went through three breakups, all equally painful. Whenever I felt upset, I could only turn to music to comfort myself. Apart from that, I’d go for a drive to clear my mind. It feels like I visited quite a few places this year, though not as frequently as last year. At the very least, I didn’t go on a road trip during this year’s National Day holiday, wasting a great opportunity for a vacation.

This year’s story didn’t unfold as I had envisioned last year. I originally planned to sell my car and travel abroad to explore the world. But after returning from Vietnam, I couldn’t resist my love for cars and ended up buying another one—truly a case of life defying my plans.

After getting the car, I made some new friends and tried hard to pursue love, but all my efforts ended in failure. It’s been over eight years since my last relationship, and it feels like I’ve completely lost the ability to connect with others. I often think that being alone allows me to be carefree, but when I try to date, I find myself constantly accommodating others, losing my sense of self in the process. This feeling makes me very uncomfortable, so my relationships are always short-lived. However, the sense of loss that follows is indescribable~a crushing defeat that leaves me feeling like the very air around me is suffocating.

There are still people who recognize and support me, at least in a way that feels joyful and mutual. True happiness comes from mutual giving. This year, I might let go of those so-called social connections from last year. Perhaps loneliness will be a long journey, but I’ll go to the places I want to go and do the things I want to do. As long as it makes me happy, that’s all that matters.

The Lunar New Year is just around the corner, and I’m planning to spend it in Beijing. It’s hard to believe it’s been ten years since I left Beijing—it feels like a fleeting dream. Maybe I haven’t grown at all during these ten years. On New Year’s Eve, I’ll buy a bottle of RIO and head to Jingshan Park to drink away the night.

I initially thought about driving there, but considering the limited holiday time and Beijing’s traffic restrictions, I decided against it. The main reason for the trip is to see someone who truly understands me—my "Bo Le." Haha! There’s no detailed plan, as usual. As I always say, as long as I’m happy, that’s what matters. That’s the meaning of my life. 😊

The future? There’s no such thing as a future for me. I’m not someone with foresight—I live for the present. That said, I still have no plans for this year. Let’s see how things go after I return from Beijing. Maybe I’ll consider pursuing a master’s degree; it doesn’t seem like I have many other options.

Since the presidential election didn’t turn out as I’d hoped, the idea of going abroad seems unlikely now. Instead, I’m left pondering how to settle down. I’ll just go with the flow—who can predict the future, anyway? You never know what tomorrow will bring. I’ve made too many plans before, only to break them. For instance, I’ve yet to visit Lhasa, and last year’s dream of going abroad never came true.

I’m still single, and there are countless variables ahead. But at least I have another twenty years of life to look forward to. Despite everything, the future is still worth anticipating.